She made Rocky look like a whimp.

It is hard that I am writing about a loss again. This blog that I have must be more therapy for me than anything. I am hoping to be writing about my great adventure to Hawaii and how wonderful and perfect it was when I get on her next. You know, something upbeat for a change.

I am so sad to say that last night my mom, and aunts lost their sister, and best friend, my uncle lost the love of his life, my cousins lost their mother and the grandmother to their children, and my grandpa lost is second oldest daughter,and my cousins and I lost one of our amazing aunts, and the world lost one of the most beautiful laughs I have ever heard in my life. It gives my heart butterflies thinking of it's contagiousness.

My mom is one of four girls. The Lanphear sister's is how they are known. A lot of people just refer to them as "the sisters", and I think anybody that has got to hang around with them also wants to be one of "the sisters". I don't blame anyone for wanting a bond like they have. It is amazing how they work. All for very different yet so the same. Kind, loving, silly, loud, happy, artsy, hilarious, loud, strong, brave, loud, sweet, best grandmas ever, loud women. They could have a good time anywhere. I would give anything to be able to go back in time and see what it was like when they were growing up in that tiny house.

So from the four sisters came wonderful husbands and then of course the cousins. First came Jamie my brother. A BOY! Those girls got a boy. A kind, quiet sweet boy. I bet they just went crazy loving on him. Then came my sister Katy and from what it sounds like she was not so quiet and very strong willed and well somethings just never change. Then Shanon, then Matt, another sweet quiet boy, then Julie, then Laura, then Mark another sweet quiet boy, then Allison, then Joe another sweet quiet boy, then myself, and then Micheal the baby. He was borderline sweet and quiet but that is just because he was the baby. See there is a trend in my Family. The women are loud and strong willed, but really fun, and the boys are all so sweet and quiet.

I remember the first time I really thought about my family and what we were like. I remember thinking that I wasn't sure if we were normal. I would tell kids at school about my cousins and they would respond by saying things like, well I don't ever see my cousins, or even know them. Then of course at 8 or 9 hearing that I was thinking we are weird always doing everything together. Well every year I grew more and more proud of my family for being so close. Now I wonder to myself when I hear of family's fighting how we could never be like that with my family. For one I don't think the aunts would allow it, and for two I am not sure that I have a bond a true bond with anyone like I have with my family. I just get to be who I am with them and they get to be the same with me. They will never not stand by my side and I will never not stand by there's. No matter what. Just like the sisters, we will always be one of the cousins. We are each others people.

 My aunt Pete was such a strong women. Most people wouldn't, or couldn't have put up a fight like she did. I think she was really fighting for her family because she knew that she had to be here for them, for us. I know for sure she didn't want to leave my uncle Ed. They had a love like no other. They would always make bedroom jokes and when I was younger I was hoping they were just trying to bug us, but now as an adult I think they were just truly in love and I hope all that was really happening. ha He adored her up until the last minute and she adored him. A relationship that I wish more people could have. I know that she didn't want to leave Julie and Mark. Julie along with the rest of the girls in this family are kind of mama's girls. Our moms are who we count on for everything. Just like you should, and as adults our moms have become our closest friends. Julie and Pete had such an amazing relationship. Julie was always there for aunt Pete, and aunt Pete was always there for Julie.  She was so proud of Mark and who he has become as a man. When my aunt would talk about Mark and the things he has accomplished she would just light up. She was so happy that he found such  wonderful women. My Aunt's number one role to her was being a grandma. Aidan, Thor, and Kat. When Aidan would come for a visit there had to be a party! She made Pete melt, She was Pete's first grand baby. Then came Thor who I think became my aunts main focus. Living in the same area as Pete and Ed, Thor was what kept her going for as long as she did. She had to be Strong so that little man could come play. Then sweet Kat, I know my aunt just wanted to get to know her and love on her as much as possible. I wouldn't want to leave this place with those amazing people as my family either.

My aunt was given a kidney by her baby sister Tracy eleven years ago. That kidney gave her a better quality of life than she would have had. My aunt had to fight so many different battles in the last eleven years. Fights that most people would have given up on when just faced by them, not even when fighting them. I hope that I would be able to fight a battle like she did if I were ever faced with it. She had won so many times that I was just waiting for the turn around last night and it never came. She was finally done fighting.  I know for sure that if she wasn't tired of the fight she would still be here. She would have won. She was a strongest women I have ever known!


Life is like a box of chocolates...........

Finding a new kind of normal.

These last 10 day's have gone so fast yet so slow. Last Thursday my aunt was flown to Harboview with a very scary, bad infection. We were told that she might not make it through it, but is taking baby steps and doing better than expected. She will have a long recovery ahead of her and will hopefully come out of it with a new lease on life, and a new kind of normal.
This morning Ethan got a call saying that his grandpa didn't make it back into his chair and when Ethan got into his grandparents house he saw that his 91 year old grandpa had passed. He was truly an amazing man who left behind a truly amazing women.
I have only known Ethan's grandparents for 3 years, and they took Ellie and I in right from the start. My relationship with them in these 3 short years has felt stronger  (sadly) than my relationship with my own grandparents. I think that is just who Harold and Audrey are. If you love there family, they love you. 
The memories that I have of Harold make me smile so big. Ethan barley warned me of what his grandpa was like, but just enough so that I would have an idea of what I was getting into. So the first time we went over there Ethan said we will show you his room that has all of his old awards and pictures and that he shows all the new girlfriends/wives. So I go over and sure enough he shows me a scrap book of clippings that he had from his life and pictures that he had from war to family. The whole tour with an arm around me or a hand on my leg. What a flirt! I didn't see Harold with out getting the biggest hug I have ever gotten in my life and usually bigger than the time before. He would always say "come on it toots" or "Hey babe how ya doin" he was a charmer. In fact Ethan and I had been together for about six months and we went to the liquor store and the lady said "I know your a Cady, your one of Harold's grandson's" Ethan proudly said yes and she replied "Your grandpa is such a flirt" Oh we laughed so hard. There are story's everywhere about Harold, and I am sure some that I have yet to hear.
Harold and Audrey have 5 children, 11 grandchildren, 5 great grandchildren, with 1 on the way and Ellie which will make 7 so far. What a life they have created. Now Audrey will have to go on for the rest of her life without the man that she spent most of her life with. I cant even imagine how that would feel the first time you reach over and the person that has been there for over 60 years is not there to touch anymore. I hope the first time she has that happen all she thinks of is the things that they did together, and created together.
I feel so blessed to have gotten to know Harold and in the same breathe I wish that I could have known him longer. What a lucky wife Audrey was, what lucky kids, and grandchildren he had, to know that they are part of who that man was.  I could go on and on about Harold, and I think most people that knew him could. I am so glad that my life got to be touched by him.
Now we all have to find a new kind of normal without Harold.

Life is like a box of chocolates........

Champange taste on a beer budget....

So for the last almost two months, I have been on the hunt for new clothes for my trip to Hawaii. I have not been able to find to many things because it is still winter, in my mind I picture me as a size four in Hawaii not a 10, and everything I have loved has been nothing less than $400. What has happened to me?
I was not a girl raised to shop at Nordstroms. In fact we thought Jcpenny's and Mervynns was great. Then it turned into to The Bon marche and The Gap. Now I have found myself only liking jeans that cost more than most people that I know make in a day.  Which I have managed to justify by telling myself, well that is what I wear to work and if I were a business women I would have to wear a suit that costs that much money, mor more. I have said for years that I will never skimp on skin care products, jeans, and a good bra. Well now it is shoes because I am on my feet all day, then shirts because better material fits more flattering, then swimsuits well because of the same reason as the last. Now it is a stupid dress for a wedding that I will wear once.

So I am setting a goal for myself. I will try to find a dress and shoes to go with it, unless I have a great pair already that will match the dress for $150. I know that some people might think that is a lot still but I haven't even found a dress that I love yet for under $150. I can feel my heart starting to pound now just thinking about that budget, but it is on. I will post the price as soon as I conquer this goal. The more I save on clothes the more I get to spend on Ellie while we are in Maui. WISH ME LUCK!!

Life is like a box of chocolates......

The day of LOVE!!

So today is the day of love. I have been able to do a few things that I love today. I have the day off , I went on a long run, picked up little treats for my two loves, and went and volunteerd in Ellie's kindergaten class. In her class I was realizing how much better any holiday is if you have a child around. For the first couple years of Ellie's life I would feel bad because people would say isn't it so much better to see the world through your child's eyes? I would get upset because I never really felt it until she was around 2 or maybe even three when she could express her complete excitement for something. I think every year her excitement about things has gotten bigger and better. When I was in Ellie's class today helping with the party I was just listening and watching expressions on these kids faces. These little cards with a small piece of candy would just light them up. Like they had just won the lottery. That is when I fell even more in love with well, kids and Valentines Day. Since I have had Ellie, My Valentines Day is mostly about me showing her that I love her everyday but, on Valentines Day we really talk about it a lot. Even since Ethan has come into our V-day routine we still keep a family love day. I just over heard Ellie singing about how she loves Valentines day and she love her mom and her Ethan and her kitty. PERFECT!!!!
I have decided to write 14 things I love:
1. Ellie  She is my sweet angel, but sure keeps me on my toes. LOVE
2. Ethan What an amazing guy. He is smart, handsome, kind, loving, fun, and he just plain old makes me melt! LOVE
3. My parents  They are both such great parents and perfect grandparents. I am thankful that I have them everyday.  LOVE
4. My siblings  Some people might not like there's, but I would not choose anybody else as mine. I am so proud that they are my siblings. LOVE
5. Aunts/uncles  Mine are way more like extra sets of parents (to me) grandparents (to Ellie) They have done a great job bringing us up as a united family. LOVE
6.  Cousins  I think my cousins are more important to me than any of them know. Having cousins is like having your own little military. Extra people to be by your side.......and mine are. LOVE
7.Compassion This is the word I love the most, and I think it is because if we all had a little more this world would be a little nicer to live in......To recognize the suffering of others, then take action to help. LOVE
8. A good hard butt kicking workout. You know the kind that makes it "hurt in a good way" the next two days. LOVE
9. Friends  They are so important to have and I love it when I get to be around mine but, it seems like when you are a mom that happens less and less. LOVE
10.  My job  I get to do something that I love and be around (mostly) wonderful people all day. I am so blessed with my job.  LOVE
11. Peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.........oh yum.  LOVE
12.  Summer  I cant even explain why I love summer because there are to many reason. Fourth of July, my birthday, heat, water, vacations, more time with friends and family. I am on count down to summer now! LOVE
13. Dyson  HA well my house was never so clean until I made the big investment and got a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Vacuuming is like instant satisfaction. For sure my favorite chore with my new vacuum. LOVE
14.  Bad TV well I love when I can just sink my mind into a show that is so crazy, and stupid just so I can feel better about my self at the end of the day.. LOL

Well there it is! Now I will go spend my evening with my two valentines eating a candle light dinner of Papa Murphy's pizza. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

Life is like a box of chocolates......

What the Blog!

Here I am blogging. I never thought this would be something that I would make time to do, but at the same time have always been in love with the way Carrie Bradshaw (sex in the city) sat down each day and put her thoughts into a story. Yes Carrie was writing about well, mostly sex, men, life in the city, and relationships and she was being paid to write down her thoughts. So I am sure that I will touch on most of those subjects as well .Not so much sex, but focus more on relationships,  just getting through each day as a happy parent, in a relationship, with a job, that loves to cook, workout, and spend time with family and friends. 

So here it goes with day one of my blog. Today was a day that I am proud of. I got up and made my daughter breakfast, and even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, I still had that good feeling knowing that it was Sunday and that I was going to spend the day with Ellie just getting stuff done around the house. After our not so yummy breakfast I cleaned the kitchen and dining room While Ellie played close to me while I was working away. Then we moved into the living room where I gave her Windex and a paper towels (which she loves) to wash living room windows, tv, and mirrors. I dusted, and the whole time we just chatted about silly things that would pop up in her silly mind. Then we decided we needed to go outside since the weather was decent. I got out her bike, and I started cleaning branches up from our yard. She rode her bike up and down the driveway ranting and raving again about anything that came to mind. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of how wonderful it was to hear the excitement in her voice that I think 1. We were outside and it wasn't raining 2. She had my complete attention, because I wasn't rushing. Even though I was cleaning up sticks I was still listening to every thing she had to say and there was no other place that I had to rush off to so I could calmly just listen to her. Which kind of made that smile turn to a frown. I am always in a rush. I hate that. Rush to get her up, rush to get her breakfast, rush her to school, rush to the gym, rush to work, rush home, rush to cook dinner, rush to clean, rush to get homework done, rush her to bed so I can finally relax. No more rushing for me. I want to listen to Ellie........every silly word! 
Ethan and I had been promising Ellie that we would take her to see Gnomeo and Juliet, so we went today.  Then went to visit Ethan's grandparents and parents, then we decided to eat an easy meal. Which made for no rushing, and lots of quality time with each other and Ethan's wonderful family.

Sometimes I think mom's strive to get it all done and don't think to breathe and enjoy what is happening in that moment. Why is it such a hard thing to do? I know for me it is because dish's are in the sink, the toilet is dirty, I am tired, and I just want to get in the shower.

Life is like a box of chocolates.......